I wish...

I wish I could say that I've been content and peaceful these past weeks, waiting and waiting but hearing nothing.

I wish I could say that my blood pressure didn't spike everytime my phone rang.

I wish I could say that I didn't ride an emotional roller coaster when considering this thing that I saw coming down the pike.

I wish I could say I relied on God.  Trusting His promises to bless me.  To not forsake me.  To give me peace.

But I relied on myself.  I relied on my friends and family.  I didn't really rely on God.

I've just been waiting.  In fact, I'd become content to believe that the thing that I saw coming was actually all conjured up in my imagination.  I settled back in with contentment and joy with my current place in life. 

And now, now that there is another glimmer that this thing is indeed coming, I'm wondering...
Has this all been on hold because God was waiting for me to rely more fully on Him?  Has He actually been waiting for me to be ready?  Ready for Him to lead me into a new place?  Lead me out of complacency?  Waiting for me to just accept the invitation to dance with Him?

I can't help but wonder.