Thursday, January 27, 2011

Change of Direction

What do you do when your partner changes direction mid-stream?

To me, divorce is not an option, though that's what the world strongly preaches.  "Your relationship has run it's course.  Time to move on."  No thanks.  My marriage is more than something to just toss by the wayside.

Still, I struggle with how to work this thing.  You know?  This isn't a case of "I just didn't know who I was marrying."  He has truly changed.  Satan is alive and at work--his whispers growing louder and louder in my husband's ears.  His faith struggles have grown so that they're consuming him.  Not only do I feel completely inequipped to help him work through these doubts, I'm also fearful for what this spells for our future.  My future.  And my kids' futures.  I don't know if I can handle being the woman married to the unbeliever.  I don't have a gentle and quiet spirit.  I'm weak.  And frankly, I don't want to deal with all the questions from fellow church-goers week in and week out.... "Where's _____________?"  While I whole-heartedly believe that the church is the place to be transparent, I fear the judgment that will undoubtedly follow telling folks "Oh he doesn't believe anymore."

I'm hurting.  Confused.  At a loss for words.

Currently drifting with the tide...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Weeds... an additional thought

While out shopping yesterday in my local craft store, I saw a cutsie sign, for a garden I guess.  It said, "Here's your last chance... BLOOM!"  And thoughts came to mind about my post on weeds, and bloom where you're planted, etc., ....and what if the situation in which I find myself IS my last chance to bloom?  I sometimes hear the world telling me to think of myself more often.  That I DESERVE fill-in-the-blank.  And in times of stress, it is so hard to silence that loud voice. 

So, what if it is my last chance to bloom where I'm planted?  How does that perspective change how I do my job, treat my kids and husband, and (gasp!) dare I say.... love my enemies?


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Weeds

I read a quote yesterday that really struck me.

"A weed is a flower planted in the wrong place."  ~George Washington Carver

That little sentence started a thought process of how our perpectives on things affect how we go throughout life.  Perhaps Dr. Carver was trying to convey that if we didn't place a certain plant in our flowerbed, then we view it as an unwanted weed.  But I think he's trying to say that all plants are valuable.  And, in the right setting, weeds could actually be productive and quite lovely.

So I started thinking about how this might apply to humans.  I'm sure we've all heard the saying "Bloom where you're planted."  I've liked that saying for several years.  It reminds me that even though I may not like the situation in which I find myself, just about the only thing I have the power to change is my attitude.  A quick Google search of the phrase led me to a scripture in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 7:17-24.  The first part of verse seventeen says "And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there." (MSG) 

Dr. Carver's quote helps me see a flip side of "bloom where you're planted."  Maybe someone in my life is acting like a weed because of the situation in which he or she finds him/herself.  And while I don't necessarily enjoy the presence of these "weeds," thinking that they might be having trouble "blooming where they're planted" helps me to be a bit more empathetic toward them.  More understanding of their "weedy" attitudes.  Less motivated to pluck them out of my garden. :-)

Monday, January 17, 2011

When to speak up?

I'm currently struggling with something.

I see that porn addiction among Christians is frighteningly high.  Perhaps some are of the mindset that porn isn't all that destructive.  But I know and love people whose lives have been adversely affected, and in some cases, shattered, because of an addition to porn.  I've seen statistics that upwards of 50% of Christians struggle with an addiction to--not alcohol, not meth--pornography.

I feel like I should speak up to the leaders in my church, and suggest that we should be more active in helping people who might be struggling with this, rather than continuing to let them suffer in silence.  But is it appropriate since I don't have this addiction myself?  I just see that people are hurting.  That lives are being ruled by something other than Christ.  That Satan is sitting back and enjoying the tally count.

When do you speak up?  How do you know the difference between the Spirit guiding you, and the light bulb of "opinion" going off in your head?