Thursday, January 27, 2011

Change of Direction

What do you do when your partner changes direction mid-stream?

To me, divorce is not an option, though that's what the world strongly preaches.  "Your relationship has run it's course.  Time to move on."  No thanks.  My marriage is more than something to just toss by the wayside.

Still, I struggle with how to work this thing.  You know?  This isn't a case of "I just didn't know who I was marrying."  He has truly changed.  Satan is alive and at work--his whispers growing louder and louder in my husband's ears.  His faith struggles have grown so that they're consuming him.  Not only do I feel completely inequipped to help him work through these doubts, I'm also fearful for what this spells for our future.  My future.  And my kids' futures.  I don't know if I can handle being the woman married to the unbeliever.  I don't have a gentle and quiet spirit.  I'm weak.  And frankly, I don't want to deal with all the questions from fellow church-goers week in and week out.... "Where's _____________?"  While I whole-heartedly believe that the church is the place to be transparent, I fear the judgment that will undoubtedly follow telling folks "Oh he doesn't believe anymore."

I'm hurting.  Confused.  At a loss for words.

Currently drifting with the tide...

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