Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Allure of Something Better

We're all familiar with the saying, "The grass is greener on the other side of the fence."  In my life, in my heart, the allure of something better is Satan's playground.

It has taken almost 20 years, but I've finally realized that this desire for "greener grass" was what ended my first real dating relationship.  We didn't have problems.  I just wanted something else.  Something "better."  And I'm not saying that wanting something else is always a bad thing.  This boy and I weren't married.  We'd made no covenant to each other before God.  And, looking back on the relationship, I can also say that we were probably not a good match.  So, in that situation, it is a good thing that I wanted something "better."

But things are not great in my life right now.  I'm definitely not starry-eyed over the state of my relationship with my husband.  My brain is primed for Satan to come in and play around.  "If only I'd made a different choice when..."  "If only today I could..."  And the list of "if onlys" can get quite long.  The allure of something better is getting quite strong. 

I just need to start wishing for the right field of grass.

Dear Father, I continue to fail in so many ways.  I should have realized sooner that Satan was playing around with my pain.  I should have leaned on you more from day one.  But Father, I'm asking now that you please drive Satan away, and that you please show me that you are carrying me through this time, with all its trouble and hurt and pain.  I don't want to hurt or disappoint you, or my loved ones.  I want to be able to walk through this muck with my head held high, blessed to have relied fully on you.  Forgive me for the impure things I've been thinking and feeling, and for not completely honoring you in my heart and mind.  Please help me to focus on the hope of heaven, and of being in your arms one day, cradled and comforted and completely fulfilled.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Reasons to be Thankful

In case no one has noticed, my life isn't great right now.  In fact, I could describe most days as thoroughly crappy.  Even when my life isn't simmering in muck, this time of year typically brings sorrow and dismay for me. 

So, in an effort to wade through the crappiness instead of drowning in it, I have made a commitment to count my blessings.  For the next sixty-one days over at Dear Life, I plan to count my blessings.  And maybe by January 1, my outlook on life won't be nearly as dim.