I didn't mean to do it. Well, I suppose I did. But I hadn't considered all the repercussions.
I said a prayer.
I didn't follow it up with a lot of sub-prayers, either. It wasn't a prayer that I decided to pray daily for a certain period of time. While it was heartfelt, I am certain that I wasn't fully prepared for the changes that would occur in me.
Do you think that God guides us on the paths of life? Or does He sit back and wait for us to find His road? I think God has been waiting on me--working on me--for a long time. I think He's been waiting for me to say that prayer for a very long time.
I feel Him stirring up notions in my brain, things I've not considered or been passionate about for a long time, if I ever was. He's churning the waters of my heart, showing me that He is the only thing I can successfully anchor myself to. And He's already spurned enough change that I'm getting scared. Scared at what will come next.
I like my life. It is comfortable (for the most part). I feel myself wanting to get into a little debate with God. "I can serve You just as well here." "What exactly are You trying to prepare me for?!" "Hold on, hold on! I'm not sure this is what I signed up for!" The problem is, I've invited Him in. I asked Him to do more in me. To be more in me. I asked Him to help me become wholly His.
It is a dangerous thing to offer up a meaningful prayer. He might actually think you meant it.